You, me, and what was in between.

IMG_4962My hands were trembling. My head was numb. My pillows were soaked with tears. My eyes were swollen. My body couldn’t move an inch. I was suffering, but you still didn’t believe me.

I told you everything I felt. I told you everything I did. I told you everything I saw. I told you the truth. I told you I loved you. Over and over. I was running out of words, but you still didn’t believe me.

IMG_3915I nagged and complained a lot, but it was for the both of us. I hardly made it through a day without crying, but that’s because I loved you. I didn’t keep my promise, but I had my reasons. I left a few times, but I came back. I was dying just to save us, but you still didn’t believe me.

You didn’t regret a phrase you said to me. You didn’t mind that you hurt me. You didn’t care that you could lose me. You didn’t tell me you loved me. You didn’t stay.

IMG_3918I wanted you to believe me. I wanted you to stay with me. I wanted you to tell me you loved me. I wanted to start over.

You didn’t believe me. You stopped loving me. You left. You put an end to us.

I started to shatter. You started to walk away.

It was over in a second. Everything gradually fell apart—you, me, and the love we had.

It started raining.

IMG_4605Tattered shoes worn by my tired feet, trembling hands hiding in my soaked clothes, corrupted lungs inside my already battered rib cage. Is this the end? I’ve been walking for what it seems like forever, and I can’t put myself to stop. My body’s giving up on me, but I still can’t stop. I try so hard, but I still can’t. I’ve been keeping my legs from giving in. I constrain every part of me to keep going because I’m terrified that if I stop, you won’t.

I screamed your name until my lungs gave out, but you kept on walking. I knew you heard me, but why did you start running? I wanted to follow you, I still do, but I was trapped, and I still am. You’ve known all along that we’ve been running in circles. Maybe that’s why you fell out of love and escaped without me.

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All I want was to survive, so I’ve held on to you for so long. I thought that as long as we had each other, none of us would let go, but people are bound to have only two hands.

I wonder how you did it without hesitating in every step. I wonder why you were able to run in such dark and eerie place when I couldn’t even stand. Since it started raining, everything also started to fall apart. But why did it seem like you’re savoring the rain?